Monday, December 2, 2013

Have You Ever Been So Mad At Yourself...?

November was rough.  Not just the blogging challenge, but the month in general.

The process of moving was way more drawn out than I would have imagined.  So many days and nights going back and forth from my new house to the old to get yet another car load of crap.

The month started with bad news and well, December isn't starting off much better, but it does hold some more promise for me.

I'm really so mad at myself right now I can hardly think of what I want to write or if I should even bother writing, but I'm giving it a shot.  My challenge for the day asks if I will actually participate in the December Nablopomo.  My intentions are to participate, hence why I'm writing now.  But as my father would say the road to hell is paved with good intentions and those words are ringing true in my ears today.

I was supposed to do something VERY important during the month of November.  Something so important it literally affects my life.  I was supposed to re-apply for this epic test, the one I tried to take last July, but did not pass.

I had the whole application pretty much ready to go, I just needed to put a few finishing touches on it before dropping it in the mail.  That's really all I had to do.  I don't want to completely oversimplify it, because it is a ridiculous application and re-application.  But still, that's all I had to do.  All I had to do was tape a picture to it and drop it in the mail before I left to go home for the holidays.  The deadline was November 30.

Guess what was sitting on my kitchen table when I got home, under a stack of other random pieces of mail, on December 1?

Yup, my application.

Before you ask, yes I called to see if there was a period to turn it in late with a late fee.  Nope.  Not for the reapplication.

So I just officially screwed myself over....again.

Now there's nothing I can do about it.  So trying to look on the bright side here, kind of.  I am already studying at nights.  Not on quite the level of the test prep course because there are all kinds of videos and stuff that I can't watch right now, but I am studying regardless.  Due to this set back, I won't be able to take my test until July.  So I guess I have more time to study and get my new house in order and settled before the test.

But still....really mad at myself.  So mad at myself I really don't want to interact with people that much and I need some time to process.  So chances are pretty good I'll have my phone turned off except for during working hours for the next week or so.

I'm so mad that, despite the fact that I hate running with a passion, I really want to go for a run right now.  But I can't.  I have to work.  I have no real positive thing to say about all of this except that December has started.  I screwed up in November.  Nothing I can do about it now but reevaluate and move on.  Christmas is my favorite holiday.  New month and about to start a New Year.  The theme for this month is "More or Less" in which we are supposed to contemplate what we really need more or less of.  Well right now I need more of pulling my head out of my butt.

 - Scarlett

1 comment:

  1. Wow it sounds as though you've had quite a stressful time of it recently...but you are quite right, despite missing the deadline for this last application you can go for July's intake when hopefully things are a bit calmer. And you will have prepped so much that you will kick butt!