Time Well Spent

Ok, I'm back.

I apologize for being a crappy blogger but believe it or not, I don't always have something to say.  And even when I do, I'm getting old enough where I don't see anything good about saying it, so I choose to just be silent.

Pretty sure my mom just had a heart attack as she read that. haha

But seriously, I try to check and see what the daily blog challenge is every day and some times I feel less than inspired.  Lots of things have been happening in my world lately but frankly nothing that I want to write about.  And I'd rather not force my blog posts so I've just been quiet.  It's a new concept for me, but I kind of like it.

I do want to revisit an older topic of conversation though.  One that we discussed a while back.  I believe the title to the post was something like Electrocuted to Unplugged.  The theme was about how connected we are to technology.

I've recently made some changes in my life.  Some major, some not so major, at least in my way of thinking, but the....backlash I have seen from it has definitely given me pause to reevaluate a lot of things in my life, and for this I am thankful.

One of the things I did was purge my Facebook account.  I purged it of all the people who I just don't know well.  For many people Facebook is about having as many "friends" as possible.  Adding everyone that you could possibly know on the planet but I feel like this gives a very false sense of security in the idea of what a "friend" is.  I was discussing this with one of my good friends and she said that the most disconnected she has ever felt in her life is when her friendships were reduced to comments and messages on Facebook.  I have to agree.  So when I purged my account, I didn't delete people based on whether or not I liked them or if they had ever offended me, I simply deleted people who I didn't consider friends.  Like REAL LIFE friends.

To me a friend can come in a couple different forms and then there are acquaintances.  For example.  I have my close friends....people that I talk to almost daily.  I know what is going on in their lives and they know what is going on in mine.  We are involved with each other and our bonds are what help us get through the day to day struggles of life.

Then there are friendships that span across time and distance.  I have a quite a few friends, people that I knew years ago who I now rarely get to talk to.  For example, one such girl is married to a Marine.  She is moving constantly as is the way in a military family and she has a daughter now.  She is super busy with her own day to day life but every time we talk or when I get to see her, it's like we never missed a beat.  I have another friend that I get to see and talk to even less often, but the way she touched my life when we worked together, I'll never forget.  I'm not sure I have ever met a person with a purer heart or a gentler soul.  She is now a fashion designer in New York and married.  I don't get to talk to her often, but the way she lived her life every day when I knew her inspires me to this day.  I will always hold her in the highest esteem.  I have another friend who moved back to the DFW area who I've always respected.  He's literally one of the nicest people I've ever met and despite his joking he has one of the most tender hearts.

And then there's every one else.

Now the way I defined these things above have been slightly tweaked recently.  I've always had this problem, and my mom will agree, it is a problem, where I devote myself to too many things at once.  And people are no exception.  For a decent part of my younger life I was kind of treated like crap by lots of people.  I was mercilessly teased in elementary and middle school.  I remember coming home crying, a lot, and I remember my mother, in all of her gentle strength, teaching me lessons on how to stand on my own two feet.  How to not let the thoughts of others to affect what I thought of myself.  Then teenage years hit and I kind of forgot some of these lessons...as is the way of youth.  But then I had a father who stood by my mother and taught me those lessons all over again.  He taught me how to look at the big picture, how to look at the long run.  He taught me how to look beyond the moment, beyond the hurt feelings, beyond the things that seemed so epically important now on to what would be important later.  And then he taught me how to prepare myself for the good things to come.  He taught me how to take comfort in the knowledge that despite how circumstances now were less than could be desired, my struggles and my actions now, my preparations now would pay off in the end in a way that was far better than any ideal circumstances I could imagine for today.

My father said something to me this summer that struck me so strongly I wrote it down on  a receipt in my car while I was driving and managed to keep up with it despite moving.  I have since put it on a coffee cup so I can be reminded of it every morning.

Boldness comes from preparation.  The risk is insignificant.  

But it's completely true.  Every single decision we make today will affect our lives later.  Well because of what I felt was a lack of friendships as a younger child, I strove to make up for that in my adult life by having as many friends as possible.  But in my goal to have lots of friends, I ended up lowering my standards for what a friend should be.  I got better about it over the years. I got better about identifying certain people as friends and others as acquaintances.  But I still never really sat down with myself and considered what I thought a "friend" was supposed to be.  What kind of friend I wanted and what kind of friend I wanted to be.

I grew up, I moved on and I found myself in the company of a lot of really good people.  People I respect and admire.  People who have good things going for them.  People who are moving and grooving in life and trying to accomplish good things for themselves and their families.  So naturally I was drawn to these people.  I spent so much of my younger life surrounded by people who simply didn't give a shit about themselves much less anyone else (for example in school) that I relished at the chance to be friends with people and surround myself with people who were motivated, who had goals, who were doing things and going places.  Going good places.

Now of course I had the example of what I needed at home, as I described above.  But youth and wisdom rarely go hand in hand.  And while I am special...I'm not that special.

The mistake I made was thinking that just because you respect and admire someone means you're automatically friends with them.  Hang in there with me, I'm not saying this in a down-hearted way nor am I trying to be a pessimist.  There is a positive here.  There's nothing wrong with knowing people are good people and looking up to certain things they do in their lives.  That doesn't mean that I have to devote all of the time or energy into them (as I should do for my friends).  Because ultimately that's more people than I have time or energy for.  And ultimately, those people don't have the time or energy to give back to me either.  Nothing wrong or negative about it, it's just the way of life.  I can't be there for everyone in the way I would like to be and everyone can't be there for me the way I think they should be.  Part of being an adult and growing up is realizing that and letting things go.

So I've started downsizing my life.  Not in an effort to exclude anyone or cut myself off.  I'm still only a phone call away.  I'm just not going to wait for the phone to ring any more.  But I believe that friendships, real friendships, are worth the work and effort.  I know that being my friend isn't always easy...ask anyone who's ever helped me move.  I'm a true extrovert, so I need things from my friends.  I need pats on the back and words of encouragement.  I need that "atta girl! We're proud of you."  But for everything that I need from a friend I'm 100% willing to give it back and I have and I will continue to do so.

So when I look at the quantity of "friends" I have, I can do the math and see that I just don't have enough to give to them all what they should deserve as a friend, and they are all stretched just as thin as I am, so they don't have enough to give either.  Not to everyone anyways.  So I've started sliming down who I give to when it comes to the quantity and quality of my time, just as they have all done.  Of course there are emergencies and I'm always good for those.  I believe in good people helping other good people every day.  That's what makes this world go around.  But we don't have to all live under the illusion that we are best friends.  And that's ok.

It's OK to not be best friends with everyone.  And I'm not saying this to lecture...I'm saying this to myself!  This blog is about the lessons in life I've learned and how they guide me down this path.  So I'm learning, and I'm sharing.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

 - Scarlett

Two Roads Diverged In A Wood

I missed yesterday's blog challenge because I got super busy with work and Christmas Shopping, but I really really really love this prompt so I'm going to write about it instead of today's promt.

Tell us about a time you took the less traveled path.

This is pretty much the story of my life and I know my mom is probably rolling her eyes and nodding her head as she reads this.  My sister too.

No matter what guidance I have been given, no matter who it comes from, I have always done things my own way and in my own time.   Taking the path less traveled has kind of been my way of life for as long as I can remember.  Sometimes it has definitely been to my detriment because my own stubborn and hard head has not headed the wisdom that was offered to me.  But there have been other times, lots of times, when it has taken me on some pretty awesome adventures and brings me some great happiness.

I vaguely remember always being defiant and going against the grain when I was in school.  My mom can probably assist more on this in the comments.  I don't really remember a lot of my early childhood.  I played with barbies (totally normal) but my barbies were frontier pioneer women barbies.  They rode horses and made shelter and had adventures.  My barbies didn't drive a car, they drove a horse carriage that (with some 6 year old ingenuity) doubled as a covered wagon.  They didn't go shopping.  They fought and survived and tamed wild horses.

I remember always getting in trouble because I would roll and crawl around in the gravel on the play ground at school and it would get my jeans dirty and I kind of remember my mom giving up on dresses once I discovered scissors.

Side story: When I was in....1st grade I think, I decided that all of my dresses should have fringe on them.  So I used my school scissors to cut fringe in the hems of all my dresses.  I also decided that my bangs were not cut the way I liked, so I cut them myself.  And then I decided that I didn't like the seat belt in my moms car so I cut half way through it before she saw.  So if you ever wondered why it's such a big deal to elementary schools that you only buy scissors that will cut paper...there ya go.

Junior High is also kind of vague, but I definitely remember that I didn't want to be just like everyone else.  I was SUCH and awkward ugly duckling and I did NOT get along with the "preppy" girls.  And because I didn't like them, I didn't want to look anything like them.  Doc Martins were popular at the time.  I didn't want anything to do with them because preppy girls wore them and I didn't want anything like what they had.  Capri pants and button downs were coming in style for my age group.  NOPE.  Didn't want anything to do with it.  I wore jeans and super oversized t-shirts to school every day for a week before my dad was like... "Ok, that's enough."  I remember the battle that ensued between my mother and I at the mall.  It's not that I had anything against the clothes themselves.  I was completely against the type of people who wore them.

Seriously, what kind of 12 year old thinks like that?

High school was a similar version to junior high, only the pendulum swung in the other direction.  Most everyone else was unmotivated and wanted to half-ass school and just live in our home town their whole lives.  So I wore pretty much business casual cloths to school for the last couple years of school.  Slacks and heels and button downs every day.  I often was mistaken for a teacher by younger or new students.  I kicked butt in school got great grades, volunteered a lot and pretty much didn't spend any time with kids my own age outside of school except for when I was with my best friend in my grade.

There are probably a million other examples that escape me at the moment.  I'd love to see what my mom and sister might comment on this post.

A more recent example.  I recently moved.  I was living in town.  Not a super metropolitan area like Dallas or Austin, but the biggest city around and I moved about 50 miles outside of town to an old farm house.  And I LOVE it.  I feel safe, for one thing.  I don't have to wonder about who's walking up and down my street at night.  And when you live in town, sure there are bad areas, but no area is any safer than another when it comes to break ins and robberies.  The nicer neighborhoods get hit just as bad if not worse when it comes to that kind of stuff.

But regardless, I moved.  I'm not so far away that I can't drive into town.  I drive into town every week to run errands and such.  I've heard that it's been a topic of conversation amongst my friends and acquaintances as to why I moved.  To me it seemed the most natural thing in the world.  It's the closest I've been able to find that is similar to the way I grew up and that's what I wanted.  That's what makes me happy.  Feeling at home in my home.  But clearly this is the path less taken for a 26 year old single female with a law degree. This just is not done.  It's gotten to the point where some people have speculated that I moved because I wanted to cut ties with people and relationships.

What rubbish.

I moved because it makes me happy to live where I live and I feel safe and comfortable.  But by no means have I had the desire to cut relationships with people.  I did recently sever several relationships, but those were with people with which a relationship didn't exist to begin with.  And I have found that the people closest to me have kept in touch with me just as if I were living a mile down the street.  We have these things called phones.  They are kind of this revolutionary invention that made communication over distance super easy.

So to all of my family and friends who are thinking that I might be crazy and wondering why I moved way out to the "middle of nowhere."  I did it because that feels like home to me, just like your suburban 3 bedroom house with a 2 car garage and granite countertops and yard with a 8 foot fence on a half acre lot feels like home to you.  I don't make you wrong for living in town.  Don't make me wrong for living in the country.

 - Scarlett

PS.  Just want to give a shout out to Miss Jones, my Wagner, the future Dr. Murray, Nathaniel, and G for staying close despite the distance and thinking that our friendship is worth keeping up as much as I do. :-)

Cliche I know...but its so applicable.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day! 
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

-Robert Frost

Running Late

Ok so I know I have been majorly slacking here but I've been running a little behind on this whole blogging thing but it's been a hell of a week/weekend.  Let me see if I can catch up a little here.

The last time I posted was last Wednesday.  I have not posted since then because I really don't have an internet connection at home that is sufficient to support much internet activity, particularly blogging.  As I was headed to work Thursday morning my part of Texas got hit with a NASTY ice storm.  When I left the house, weather was fine, but I didn't get terribly far down the road before it started raining and the rain was freezing on my windshield faster than my wipers could wipe it off.  It was ugly.  I wasn't far from home at that point, but I was still on the highway.  I was trying to find a good place to turn around when things kind of got wonky.  I was going....maybe 20 mph.  I think I was probably going slower, but regardless, the point is I was not going fast.  I came to a spot where the high way curved a little and Maud (my car) and I just didn't curve with it.

Now I've never been in a situation before where I hit ice like that but I was sort of having flash backs to drivers ed and my mom saying things like "Don't Panic," "Don't hit the brakes," "Turn into the spin instead of away from it."  Well I tried to do all of those things.  Didn't panic, didn't hit the brake or gas, tried to just let the car do what it was going to do because frankly there was nothing I could do about it at that point.

I'm not sure if I did a circle or not...I feel like I did a full circle and ended up in a ditch actually facing the proper way.  All things were good.  It wasn't a terribly rough experience.  The worst part was just the feeling of being in a several thousand pound vehicle and knowing that I had absolutely ZERO control over it.  Not pleasant.  And I was deep enough in the ditch that I was stuck. But all in all everything was fine.  My next big concern was that someone else was going to hit the same patch of ice and slide into me.  So I stayed in my vehicle, with it running and with my seat belt on and I proceeded to try to contact people who I thought could pull me out of the ditch.

That fear of someone else hitting me turned out to be very valid because not 30 seconds later another car who was I guess going faster than I had been spun out behind me and they hit the ditch hard.  Fortunately they were still about 40 yards behind me.  They had picked up enough speed though that they actually ended up in the freshly plowed field.  They were able to drive along the edge of the field and get to the road that was right in front of me.  But they had a flat tire and a crummy jack.  After I saw that no other cars were coming I got out and offered to let them use my super nifty hydraulic jack to speed up the process because it was COLD.

As we were getting their car jacked up some very nice guy, who said his name was Slugger, stopped in a 4x4 truck to check on us all.  He didn't have a tow strap with him but said he'd be right back.  And sure enough he did, he pulled my car out of the ditch with little effort.  I reassessed my vehicle, everything looked pretty decent.  Now I just needed to get my jack back from the other couple who had spun out.  Well apparently my jack is broken because it would not lower the car back down.

Slugger to the rescue again, he got his jack out, which actually worked properly and we were able to get my jack out from under their car and their tire changed.

I was closer to a little town than I was to my own house and it didn't seem like anything positive would happen if I tried to use one of the turn arounds on the highways.  My landlord runs a store in that little town so I knew if I made it there I'd be ok.  Well I did make it and I settled in and just waited for the initial phase of the storm to pass.  After the worst of it was over I took the back roads back to my house to avoid the high way and one of the guys from the store was kind enough to follow me home in a 4x4 truck...just in case.

And Home is where I stayed for the rest of the day.  By Friday afternoon, even though the temperatures were still below freezing the roads had been scraped and sanded.  I made it into Lubbock and got my car to the mechanic just to check on it.  I figured it would probably have to be realigned after that experience and I was right.  But if that's the worst that came out of it then I count myself lucky.

Everything's back to normal now but that's what's been happening.  I looked at some of the blogging challenges that I missed.  I'm just going to skip some of them because I don't feel like doing them, but there were some good ones.

Friday I was supposed to write about what I wish I had more time to do each day.  I wish I had more time each day to pray and to work out.  I seriously pray all day long.  Maybe it's not a settled, quiet, peaceful time of prayer, but I say little prayers to God throughout the day for all kinds of things as they occur to me.  But I wish I had more time to just sit down in the peace and quiet of my home and just meditate and pray.  What I really mean is that, while I spend all day talking to God, I wish I had more time in the day to sit down and actually listen to what He has to say back.  And the working out...well who couldn't use a little more time to work out each day??

Monday asks if I could banish one thing from the earth, tangible or intangible, what would it be?  I haven't put a ton of thought into this, but I would eliminate ethnic discrimination.  Ethnic discrimination is an absolutely common thread in every nation on every continent that has traditionally been the defining line in social and economic class structures.  Nationality, unfortunately has little bearing on these things.  Sure as American's we are typically better off than lots of other countries, but even in the history of our own country, poverty lines have often been drawn by race and ethnicity.  Look at a country like Rwanda.  (If you don't know what happened in Rwanda...google it and then be ashamed of yourself and your education.  You should know about this.) Now there were lots of factors that spurred what happened in Rwanda, but fundamental break down:  There were two ethnic classes and one of them traditionally ruled the country.  There was a rebellion and then one ethnic class tried to completely eliminate the other.  It was like the Holocaust, but on a smaller scale and not nearly as well talked about or taught in schools.  Most of the world just sort of sat by and ignored it because it stayed mostly within it's own nations borders.  Our own nation has dealt with and continues to deal with this.  And this isn't just white or black.  Region to region there are different "types" of poor people.  In some regions they are primarily of a hispanic decent.  In some they are of Irish descent.

My point is I feel like a WHOLE lot of the worlds problems would be solved if everything in life wasn't divided into an "US" and a "THEM."  Now of course there are always going to be countries against countries but the division that we see within each nation based only on someone's ethnic back ground just causes more misery than is necessary.  I'd get rid of that.

Today's post asks how good am I at putting others before myself.  Difficult question.  Especially since I am in a period of my life where I am being more than a little selfish and I'm doing it on purpose so I can get my life together and on the right track.  Generally I think I'm pretty decent at putting certain people before myself.  Like I go out of my way to do things for people that I care about and it's no sweat.  But I am by no means some kind of golden angel that is just selfless and thinks of everyone else first.  I guess right now I'm more of a "I don't think of others first, I think of them as I go" type girl.  My number one goal right now is to get my life together and on track.  Because frankly, if I don't have all of my ducks in a row, how am I supposed to help anyone else with theirs?  So right now I'm kinda living life in an all about me way, and if I think of you as I'm going, or I see something on my path that allows me to do something kind for you as I'm taking care of my own business, then I'll do it, no worries.

But I'm not ignoring my duties right now so that I can help you with yours...Sorry.
Im a relatively young, single female with a bunch of zero's tagged at the end of my name (student debt).  There's no one taking care of me but me and I simply can't afford to drop the ball any more than I already have just so I can help others out.  If I can help you as I go, cool.  If you're too far off the beaten path, you had better be super special for me to stop and head your direction.

That's not a very Christmas-y things to say.  Sorry.

 - Scarlett.   

When Is Enough Enough?

I would like to start out by saying a few things.

1. I am truly thankful for my true friends and family.  The people closest to me that make my day go round. The people that I pray for at night and who I know pray for me.

2. I can not stress....I mean absolutely stress how absolutely wonderful and crucial it is to purge your life REGULARLY of the "un-necessaries" in life.

The blogging challenge today asks me how often I go back for seconds.  But this kind of struck a cord with me.  For food, yes I go back for seconds some times.  I go back for seconds on pretty much anything that I like or that I think ads something good to my life.  Like working out or going to a fair with friends or camping.  These are things I will gladly repeat because they add positive things to my life.  

But then my ADD took that to the next level of yes...we all do that.  Hell, that is half of what is wrong with America is that we always go back not just for seconds, but for thirds and fourths and we do that with EVERYTHING.

Why is America a "fat"country....because people think it's ok and are proud of the fact that they cleaned their plate at the cheesecake factory.  Because people do not have any clue how to tell themselves NO.

No wonder kids act like uncontrolled heathens in the store...how do you really expect to tell your kid "NO" and enforce it when you can't even tell yourself, "No, I really don't need to eat that McDonalds Double Bacon Cheeseburger" or "No, I really don't need to watch another hour of TV" or "No, I can't sit here, I really do need to get up off my ass and go for a walk or something."  

WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!!!

imagine me snapping in front of your face...three times....in the shape of a Z just for emphasis lol

Ask yourself this.  What would my life be like if I said NO to more things?  What would my body look like if I said NO to eating out and eating fast food?  What would my body feel like if I said NO to those fries and that coke?  How clean would my house be if I didn't have a TV?  How much money would I save if I didn't have to go to the store for "something" every day?  What would my finances look like if I said NO I don't need that swanky car when this cheaper not as nice car will do exactly all I need?

We all go back for seconds....Oh I really loved that pumpkin pie...I'm going to eat another slice.  And then a slice for breakfast, and then one with lunch.  Ok at Thanksgiving once a year, that's not terrible...but people do that EVERY DAY.  They eat a snickers EVERY DAY.  

"Oh well I only have one diet coke a day"  

Guess what ladies....DIET COKE MAKES YOU FAT.  It's not good for you, it's not even better for you than a real coke.  I mean hell, if you're going to put shit in your body it might as well be real shit with real sugar instead of some chemical that some nerd who never sees the sun came up with in a lab. 

If you need the caffeine....go drink some TEA.  It's proven over and over and over again to be good for you.  And I'm not trying to come down super hard, I have my fair share of weaknesses.  But tea, real tea, not the crap in a Lipton box, actually tastes pretty good plain but if you just need that little extra in it, drop some honey in there.  It's also proven to be good for you. 

I'm sorry for ranting here...but my estrogen took a beautiful swan dive off of a cliff this week and this is part of the consequences of that.  If you're a woman, you should know what that means.  But back to the rant...

Is going back for seconds just the most terrible thing ever...no not all the time.  Seconds can be ok in life....but we have got to get a grip on this and realize that you don't NEED to go back for seconds EVERY DAY...or every week or even every month.  Do you really Need to get your nails done every week?  Do you really Need to eat a milk shake or a coke every day?  Do you really Need to watch 3 hours of TV a day?  Do you really Need another pair of chairs?  Do you really Need another shirt?  Do you really Need a new pair of jeans?  Do you really Need 8 million coffee cups?  Do you really Need  

The Answer Is A Resounding NO!

 - Scarlett

Never Mind The Glass!

So how full or how empty is your cup?

My challenge today asks just this very question.  With out a doubt, I have and always will be a half full kinda girl.

There are definitely times when life completely sucks.  Or I completely suck at life.  I will not deny that it is often user error.  But still, that is life.  Life often sucks and it sucks equally for everyone.  We always feel like we are the only one going through xyz situation and it is horrible and no one understands, but the facts are that these things happen to literally everyone.

Maybe I haven't always been quite so optimistic, but certainly since I moved out of my parents house and have been trying to learn how to stand on my own feet, I have learned to find the positive in every situation. (My mom taught me that)

I am in my mid twenties.  I graduated from undergrad, went to law school, and am now trying to find my way in this world.  Now to a lot of people, that's something.  I've done a lot.  I've been "successful."  I used to teach at an alternative school and we were very very lucky to have kids graduate and only a very small handful would even consider college.  But even still with all that "success" life still has it's challenges and I still screw up, regularly.

This time literally a year ago I was very suddenly and very unexpectedly unemployed.  Just fired. Out of no where.  Why?  For being too young.  My boss was a capricious old fart and decided after talking to me 3 times that he couldn't relate to me and just fired me.

Talk about life sucking.

I sold everything to pay my bills.  I sold my furniture, my bed, stuff out of my kitchen. I pretty much put everything I had for sale on craig's list.  At the end of it all, I had a couch and a $15 air mattress from walmart that I'd had for years.

So in the deepest of winter, I slept at first on the floor on my air mattress and then, after getting terribly sick, I put the mattress on top of the couch.  The only problem was that the mattress hung over the edge of the couch cushions by about 6 inches...so if I rolled over in the night I was at risk of the air mattress either shooting out from under me or flipping off the couch with the whole thing.

I am a lot better off now.  Looking back it is definitely comical now and I remember laughing at my situation then (again, glass half full) knowing that that period in my life was only a short chapter and certainly would not define my story.  And indeed it has not.  It's a funny part looking back now, but it was also full of lessons.

I also think a lot of people really don't know how they feel about the glass.  They aren't sure if it's half full or half empty.  Well I think that depends on what all you learn from the challenges in your life.  If you just go through challenges with the attitude of "this sucks and why does this always happen to me? I guess I'm just doomed....blah blah blah" then yeah you're probably a glass half empty person and you will always be that way because you're life will always suck because you don't learn anything.  But if you look at challenges and think "what am I supposed to learn from this?  This does suck now, but this is going to be funny later.  Wow, I should clearly never do xyz again and I won't find myself here" then I think you're a glass half full person.

Maybe I'm biased, but I think those people are better off anyways.  It seems to me they learn more.  Not putting myself on a pedestal either...as I've said before, I'm the smartest idiot I know.  I'm always making mistakes...some that confound even me.  But you live, you learn, you get back on your horse and you keep riding towards the sunset.  The beautiful, glorious, inspired-by-God sunset.

 - Scarlett

Have You Ever Been So Mad At Yourself...?

November was rough.  Not just the blogging challenge, but the month in general.

The process of moving was way more drawn out than I would have imagined.  So many days and nights going back and forth from my new house to the old to get yet another car load of crap.

The month started with bad news and well, December isn't starting off much better, but it does hold some more promise for me.

I'm really so mad at myself right now I can hardly think of what I want to write or if I should even bother writing, but I'm giving it a shot.  My challenge for the day asks if I will actually participate in the December Nablopomo.  My intentions are to participate, hence why I'm writing now.  But as my father would say the road to hell is paved with good intentions and those words are ringing true in my ears today.

I was supposed to do something VERY important during the month of November.  Something so important it literally affects my life.  I was supposed to re-apply for this epic test, the one I tried to take last July, but did not pass.

I had the whole application pretty much ready to go, I just needed to put a few finishing touches on it before dropping it in the mail.  That's really all I had to do.  I don't want to completely oversimplify it, because it is a ridiculous application and re-application.  But still, that's all I had to do.  All I had to do was tape a picture to it and drop it in the mail before I left to go home for the holidays.  The deadline was November 30.

Guess what was sitting on my kitchen table when I got home, under a stack of other random pieces of mail, on December 1?

Yup, my application.

Before you ask, yes I called to see if there was a period to turn it in late with a late fee.  Nope.  Not for the reapplication.

So I just officially screwed myself over....again.

Now there's nothing I can do about it.  So trying to look on the bright side here, kind of.  I am already studying at nights.  Not on quite the level of the test prep course because there are all kinds of videos and stuff that I can't watch right now, but I am studying regardless.  Due to this set back, I won't be able to take my test until July.  So I guess I have more time to study and get my new house in order and settled before the test.

But still....really mad at myself.  So mad at myself I really don't want to interact with people that much and I need some time to process.  So chances are pretty good I'll have my phone turned off except for during working hours for the next week or so.

I'm so mad that, despite the fact that I hate running with a passion, I really want to go for a run right now.  But I can't.  I have to work.  I have no real positive thing to say about all of this except that December has started.  I screwed up in November.  Nothing I can do about it now but reevaluate and move on.  Christmas is my favorite holiday.  New month and about to start a New Year.  The theme for this month is "More or Less" in which we are supposed to contemplate what we really need more or less of.  Well right now I need more of pulling my head out of my butt.

 - Scarlett

I Have A Confession To Make

But...

First, we got hit with a random snow/ice storm. It is supposed to continue like this for a few days. I got home from work this evening and knew ok, it's now or never when it comes to getting this house unpacked. Only there was a problem. I was totally sleepy and unmotivated.

I tried to play my motivational rock out music.

Nothing.

And then the lightbulb came on.

So here's my confession. I know it's too early, but I'm jamming out to Christmas music. :-D

It makes me so happy. I am moving and grooving. Getting furniture where I want it and I am stacking up empty boxes!! And I am also belting out Christmas songs at the top of my lungs. (One of the benefits of living alone.) well, I do have critters but they don't seem to have any complaints.

So to my friends and family, I know you might not be ready, but I am!! And the holiday festivities are upon us. Let's embrace it!!

- Scarlett

P.S. Which one are you?

Man, I Feel Like A Woman!

I really don't know how guys think about these sorts of things, but as a woman, I know there are certain clothes that make me look cute, certain close that make me look good and certain clothes that make me look GREAT!

And of course that all depends on the season.

If you can't tell, I take my clothes pretty seriously.  As in closet size is a real deciding factor when I'm looking for a place to live.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a shopaholic or anything.  I rarely go shopping for clothes, but when I do, I make sure I get something I like and then boy you better believe I wear it.  Every season or so I go through my closet and if there are things I haven't worn, I donate them.  Otherwise, I pretty much wear everything I own.

Consequently I can go a few months without doing laundry (sorry Mom).  I really tested this when I was having to go to a laundromat to wash my clothes but I've gotten a lot better about it and now that I have my own washer and dryer in the house, I do laundry as I go. Makes life much easier.

But back to my clothes.  My daily prompt asks me to write about an outfit that makes me feel good.

There are so many.  Apparently I get bonus points for posting a picture, so I'll only post one or two.  I'm not a huge fan of putting my face out there, never mind the fact that I have a Facebook account, but still I think I can manage this.  Apparently I only have 7 consistent readers and you probably all know what I look like anyways!!

For every day wear, especially now that it is fall, I LOVE wearing skinny jeans, with tall boots and long sweaters with a wide belt around the waist.  I just love it.  It keeps me warm, it allows me to move around and function with out the draft of a skirt, and it compliments my figure.  I had to dig way back through some of my pictures but I found this.  It should tell you how much I like this outfit, this picture was taken roughly 5 years ago and I still wear it!

That's for every day in the fall, but what about every day in the summer??

I LOVE dresses.  I think dresses are the greatest thing since sliced bread because it's easy.  You just say, I want to wear that one, and ta-da, you're done getting dressed.  As opposed to, ok I want to wear this shirt, but that only looks good with these two pairs of pants, but one of those are dirty, so I can only wear this pair and only those shoes look good with that.  It's just easier to wear a dress and I have one that makes me feel just amazing.  I always get compliments on it everywhere I go no matter how little time the rest of me took to get ready.  It makes me feel very, just....happy!!

I have lots of other outfits that I absolutely love, I just don't have pictures readily available of them.  For example, there is nothing better than my favorite pair of boot jeans, my boots (of course), and just a simple white v neck T-shirt.

Now the following two outfits just make me feel like a goddess but I don't have much occasion to wear them. Which is ok.

When I was in college, I was a favorite date for some of my friends for their formal parties because I cleaned up very nice, we all enjoyed each others company in general and I was socially independent, meaning they could take me, get us seats and then they could wander around and talk to whomever they wanted because I didn't require their presence to have fun and interact socially with other guests.  Of course they would hang out with me, it's not like we showed up and then I got ditched.  Most of these events were a lot of standing around and chatting (sounds super fun right??)  There wasn't a lot of dancing or moving around so this was when all the girls would break out the swanky little cocktail dresses.

Now this next dress can be....very revealing.  So I always pair it with a very nice black sort of cardigan. At these types of events there were usually more than enough girls willing to show off everything they had, so I felt no need to show mine off as well.  This picture was already blurry, so I didn't bother to edit it at all.  

Again, not many opportunities to wear this one, but still.  It's fun, it's pink-ish and I can make it look very classy with a cardigan.  And it shows off my legs.  (I think I have short stumpy legs because that's what it looks like from up here, so I like anything that makes them look a little longer).

Last, but certainly not least.  Everyone knows that every girl needs to have that little black dress, right??  But I firmly believe that every girl should also have a red dress.   And I have such a dress.  It was actually a gift sort of that I got from one of my girlfriends in college.  Again, hardly any occasion to wear such a dress.  One of the major benefits in getting into modeling on an amateur level is having a reason to wear really fun clothes! :-)  I live way out in the country.  I don't go clubbing.  I don't live somewhere, nor do I know people who are rich enough, to attend ritzy formal events.  But I still like to look pretty and feel like a woman!!  And this is dress makes me want to strike a pose and shout "Man, I I Feel Like A Woman!"

Ok so I totally just had a vain little moment with this post, but oh well.  Every woman deserves not only to feel like she is beautiful, but to know that she is beautiful.  Some women absolutely hate clothes because they hate how they look in them.  

First, if you don't like something, don't settle for it!!  Change it!!  If you don't like how you look in clothes you have a couple options.  1. Buy different clothes and/or 2. Change how your body looks.  Don't hear me saying that you should go out and get lypo or develop an eating disorder.  That's a negative on those.  You hear me talk about my mom a lot on here and I'm about to do it again.  My mom was always petite but at some point her body shape started changing in a way she wasn't particularly fond if.  So you know what, she changed it!  She changed how and what she ate, she started working out.  My mom runs now.  I'm terrified that when I go home for Thanksgiving she's going to want me to run with her because let me be the first to admit that I am NOT a runner.  But she made REAL changes and saw those reflected in her body just like she wanted to.  

So feel beautiful ladies!! You deserve it!!

 - Scarlett

Bathing In A Coffee Pot

I'm still not sure what I think about today's blog prompt so I'll start off skipping it and catching you up on my life.

So I just moved, and I love my new place.  It's still under a little construction, but it's all coming along.  I love the space, I love not having any carpet, I love the location.  I should be able to move my bed into the bedroom this weekend and I should have a sink and vanity in the bathroom this weekend too.

The other night I got my kitchen unpacked and that alone was a HUGE help to my sanity.

But up until this morning I have not had gas...so I have not had hot water or heat.  Now the heat thing is no big deal, I just turned all the burners on my electric stove on high and wow did that heat up the house just fine.

But not having a way to have hot water is a whole other story.  I know there are some people on this planet who like to take cold showers, I am NOT one of them.

I am a very happy person.  There are plenty of things that annoy me or bother me but it take a lot to make me truly angry.  Even things that might bother me a whole lot typically only bother me for a few minutes.  I just don't let things interfere with my general level of happiness through out the day.

One of the things that makes me angry is being cold.  Especially cold and wet.  I can handle it if there's work to be done, but as soon as whatever necessary goal is accomplished my number one purpose in life is to get warm again.  So just the idea of taking a cold shower puts a cloud over my brow.

But, a girl can't just walk around this world dirty now can she?  So I went survival skills on it.

Do any of you remember or have one of those blue coffee percolators? I use mine when I go camping.  It looks like this...

Well this is actually the only water vessel that I can seem to find at the moment (pots are apparently still at the old house).  So I've been filling it up (12 cups) and heating it up on the stove.  Then I just go stand in the bathtub and dip my bar of soap with my wash rag in the water and I give myself a bath.  It's kind of nice because I still come out the other end clean, and I get to shave my legs, which is necessary.  It's not quite the level of hair washing I'm accustomed to, but it will do for now.  I also know that I am using very little water, which is a plus.

As of last night at about 11 my hot water heater was fixed and the gas tank was filled up but there wasn't hot water enough to really run a bath till this morning.  I'd love to take a shower, but I need some tools to make my shower curtain rod bigger, which are also still at the old house, and I also need rings to hold up my shower curtain.  These are projects I will work on today after work.

For now all you need to know is that I am clean, I love my new house and things are really coming together on this.

 - Scarlett

Electrocuted to Unplugged

First, I would like to say that my quality of life is made infinitely easier since my whole kitchen is unpacked and I know where everything is.  Even though I still have no heat, I do have a rocking electric stove that heats the house quite nicely and I will be getting a refrigerator today.  Also the gas guys are coming today so I will officially be able to take a shower tonight and I am pretty stinking excited about that.

I know soldiers live off of baby wipes, but I'm not a soldier and the sooner I can stand under some hot water the better!

Now for my challenge.  My blogging challenge asks how much time a day I stay "plugged in" and if I consciously set aside time to be unplugged or if it just happens whenever.

Up until this weekend I was pretty much plugged in 24 hours a day.  I always have my phone with me.  I am always listening to Pandora.  I'm always connected to Facebook.  Every night I watched a movie or stand up comedy on Netflix.  Usually I even went to sleep to the sound of Netflix.

But as of this weekend, I have moved WAY out into the country and it is just wonderful.

For one, they don't have an internet service that goes out that far that is fast enough to stream Netflix.  So that's gone.  I don't even own a TV.  I don't like using all of my data to stream Pandora at work AND at home, so for the most part I've just had my phone hooked up to the speakers to listen to music I already own.

I got a phone call from my internet provider at my old house yesterday.  They were calling to try to sell me on a cable package.  If you didn't know, sales people like that read off of scripts.  For whatever answer you may have, they always have a scripted answer provided by their employer to answer your every question and objection.  I was very pleased to hear the uncertainty and dumbfounded-ness in the lady's voice when she tried to sell me on a cable package and I told her that I had just moved and was about to have my internet cut off and that I didn't even own a TV so I am not interested in getting cable.  I could hear it in her voice that there was not a script for that.  She tried to ask me if I was going to at least have my internet service reconnected at my new house and I said no because I lived so far out that there was no internet out here.  (Not completely true, but so far out that they don't provide internet out there, so it got my point across.)  Again, obviously there was no script for that.  So she just said if I had any questions about the call to call some number she spouted off and then hung up.

Apparently I am a psycho for living in modern day America and not owning a TV.

I suppose I'm still connected to Facebook and email and such with my phone, but I don't really keep my phone with me as much now.  Frankly, I am so far out in the boonies that I don't really worry about missing a call from anyone who might want to hang out or need my help because I'm too far away for any of that.

So I guess I'm still pretty connected, but not nearly as much as I was and I see that connection getting smaller and smaller with each day, which is pretty exciting.

I've spent more time walking around my new property with my dogs admiring the absolutely GORGEOUS sunsets that happen every day at my new home and leaving my phone in the house.

Life out here is far slower than life "in town," even though the city I moved from isn't exactly some teeming metropolis.  I can slowly see myself slowing down to mach the pace out here and I have to say, it's wonderful. I was still up till about midnight last night unpacking and getting things more organized, but still I passed out and slept soundly with no movie, no music, no sound.  Just the soft and gentle snoring of my dogs.

So raise your glass (with whatever it might contain at this hour) to beautiful sunsets, no internet, no TV,  peaceful silence, and a sky as big and clear as the State of Texas.

 - Scarlett

Laundry and Hiccups

The blog challenge I'm participating in has prompts for the days of the week.  Today it asks me to discuss a blog post I never published.

Doesn't exist.  I can see how that might be something to talk about for some people but for me it's pointless.  So I'm skipping it.

My shining accomplishments for the day are as follows: All of the clothes I have on are clean.  I am clean. I brushed my teeth and my hair this morning.  The End.

It is also time for my yearly round of hiccups.  Seriously, this sucks.  I only get the hiccups once every year or so, but I get them bad.  I'll have them on and off all day for two days.  So here's to the next two days of not being able to breath normally, chest pains, and being the source of comedy for everyone who works around me.

I thought I published a post from my phone late Saturday night but apparently it didn't go through.  Oh well.  As exhausted as I was I'm not surprised.

So here's an update on my move.  Pretty much all of my stuff is out of the old house and into the new house.  The only things that are left at the old pace are my coats, and silverware and some very random pots and pans.  And trash.  It's hard for me to really care, but I do like to leave a place nicer than I found it.  Not really setting the standards high on that part but it is what it is.

For the past couple days I've been playing a game called "Where is my______?"  It's not  a very fun game.

Also my house is still under some construction.  When I pulled up with the Uhaul on Saturday, my toilet was sitting in the bathtub.  My land lord was redoing the floors in the bathroom and had rebuilt one wall that he was dissatisfied with.  But he promised to fix it for me before the night was over.  They were at my house until 4 am, but when they left I had a toilet that was fully functional.

I spent most of that evening just trying to find basic things...like my toothbrush.

When I finally got to bed I was OUT.  It was probably 4:30 am when I got in bed, maybe closer to 5.  I woke up at 9 am to let the dogs out.  I scrounged around in some boxes, thinking maybe I had the motivation to get back at it.  I found a couple cliff bars that I munched on.  But the facts were that I didn't have my coffee pot and with out coffee or tea, it just wasn't going to happen.  So I just went and got back in bed!

At around noon, my land lord sent me a text to ask if I was awake and then knocked on the door with a wonderful plate of food and a Dr. Pepper.  The small town I live next to had their Turkey Festival this past weekend.  It's a huge event that supports the high school band.  He had brought me a plate with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, a roll, green beans, yams, and a piece of cake.  It was delicious and so awesome because I was getting tired of eating cliff bars.

After that the guys all came over and started working again.  In addition to the work in the bathroom, they were also working on the bedroom.  They had hung new sheet rock last weekend and had started applying mud to the seams.  This weekend they put a few more layers of mud on and then blew on the texture.  So technically it is all done.  I just have to wait for it to all dry and then clean the floor and then I can move my bed and stuff into the bedroom.

I also did a few loads of laundry last night.  Now that might not sound terribly epic, but that is the first time I have done laundry in my own home for over two years now.  I've been going to the laundry mat, which I despise.  I also discovered fabric softener and I have to say I am in LOVE.  I was pulling my jeans out of the dryer and couldn't help but notice how wonderfully soft they were!

This is the highlight of my life at the moment.  Sad??

I did finally find the box where I had packed up all my make up, which was absolutely necessary for me to go to work today.  I guess I hadn't really looked in a mirror all weekend.  I had been showering at various friends houses and of course had no make up on and didn't even really brush my hair.  Just after the shower I ran my fingers through my hair and let it air dry.

I sat down on the floor in front of a mirror today (yes on the floor because the mirror has not been hung yet) and man oh man....there is not enough concealer in the world to hide the circles under my eyes right now.  It's pretty terrible.  I found my dryer and hair brushes.  I managed to make my bangs look somewhat acceptable and threw the rest of my hair into a pony tail.  I applied as much concealer as I could to my eyes as possible and got dressed.

So my accomplishments might not seem like much to some people but I am proud that I have made it even this far.  Here's to unpacking the rest of my stuff this week!!

 - Scarlett 

Moving

Computer is dead and charger is packed....somewhere. I'm writing this on from my phone.

People were at my house at 8am. I've never seen a 10 foot truck so tightly packed. Still more stuff to go, just waiting on a friend to get off work and come with a trailer.

I'm sooooo tired but now that everyone's gone I can't even take a nap because the bed and everything is in the truck.

Maybe I could take one in the car...oh the possibilities.

Still have a few more small things to pack up. I really don't want to though. Considering just leaving it lol


- Scarlett

What Would Life Be Like...?

What would my life be like if I didn't procrastinate?

My daily blogging challenge asks if I could change one thing about myself instantly, what would it be?

Hands down, didn't even have to think about it, I would change the fact that I am a procrastinator.  It's not always in an extreme way, but I do procrastinate in varying degrees in most areas of my life.

I procrastinate on laundry.  I procrastinate on studying.  I procrastinate on cooking ( a little less on this one because I can't function if I have not eaten).  I procrastinate on writing my blog if it's something I don't want to write about.  I procrastinate on all kinds of stuff.  Pretty much the only thing I don't procrastinate on is my car maintenance and that's because I need that ole' bird in tip top shape for my job.

Current example.  I have procrastinated on packing.  I've been getting a little done here and there but now we are in the final crunch time.  I am moving tomorrow.  People are showing up at my house at 8 am.  I'd say a good 50% of my stuff isn't pack.  I'm not 100% sure on that number though, I'll have to count boxes tomorrow and let you know.

So now, instead of getting any sleep at all tonight like I want, I'll probably be pulling an all nighter just so I can have everything ready to rock and roll in the AM.

If I had been more diligent about packing all week instead of procrastinating, This would not be a problem.   All I'd have to pack up tonight would be animal stuff and the few toiletries that I needed to use today and that would be it.

But Noooooooo, why on earth would I want to make my own life that easy.... :-(

So here's to happy packing and a purging spirit, that I may throw away more things than I will pack.

 - Scarlett

Tired of Time

I'm kind of tired writing about time.  The prompt yesterday was about time and the prompt today asks if I'm a morning person or a night owl.

I am both. I hit the ground running almost every morning and I'm super productive in the late night hours.  I am just a really sucky middle of the day person.

But I talked about that yesterday so feel free to go back and read that post.

I'm kind of in my own mental vortex right now.  As you might know if you've been following along, I love my mom.  She is awesome, she is strong and I've said on more than one occasion that I want to be just like her.  To do all the cool things she does.  And she also terrifies me.  Not in, I guess, a truly fearful sort of way.  It's sort of hard to explain.  You know how no one can get to you like your mom can?  It's not even like my mom says anything mean or harsh.  I guess I'm just sort of high strung maybe?

All I know is that I can face the whole world and while they challenge me I can hit back with full force and they will never see me cry.  But I can talk to my mom for less than 5 minutes and start crying.

Anyone else know what I'm talking about here?

ITS SUPER FRUSTRATING!!!  Because I hate crying.  I don't know if I just save it all up for her or what but that's just how it goes.  I call my mom, we talk, I cry, life goes on.

Anyways I had a big conversation with her today that ultimately turned out to be about my long term planning skills (or lack thereof).  I'd really like to tell you more, but I'm still wrestling with this and my brain is all muddled and I hesitate to write until I've had more time to get a grip on my thoughts.

The point is that I talked to my mom, I cried, she had lots of solid things to say and now I have to move forward from here.  Part of why I started writing this blog was so you could come on this adventure with me.  So as I am ready to write about these things, you'll be the first to know.

For now I leave you with this thought:

If you have a mom to talk to, you should talk to her.  If you have someone that fills that spot, talk to them.  I make up all these reasons in my head all the time about why I should or shouldn't talk to my mom.  Usually if I choose to not talk to her it's because I don't want to disappoint her.  But after today's conversation, I'm finally starting to believe her when she says she just wants me to be open with her.  And I'm trying.  

It's Nap-O'clock!!

So this challenge thingy asks what is my favorite hour of the day?

What kind of question is that?

Since I am, who I am, there is no simple answer to this question.

The first thing that come to mind is the twilight hour and the answer because it is simply beautiful where I live.  (Cheating I know because that is actually two hours out of the day.)  Sunset and sun rise are beautiful here, especially around harvest season when all the dust in the hair reflects the sunlight.

No matter what I'm doing at sunset and, if I'm awake, at sunrise I usually take a moment to stop and appreciate it.  So to answer the question in terms of my favorite hour of the day that actually happens every day, the twilight hour is my favorite.

But let's talk about the hours of the day I don't like.

I'm a GREAT morning person.  Ask my mom.  I spent over 18 years being the first and probably the most annoying thing she heard every morning, first thing.  I lived at home for most of my undergraduate career and I was often up way before the rest of the family on the weekends.  I used that time to do my reading for my classes for the next week.  Well this gave me a couple hours to think about all of these wonderful things that I couldn't wait to talk to my mom about.  The only problem is that she wasn't ready to talk about them until she'd had some coffee.

What we really should have done is put the coffee pot in her bedroom so that way she could wake up and make her coffee with out me intercepting her while she was en route.

I'm also a GREAT night owl.  Most of my domestic duties happen late at night.  Only in the late night hours do I actually get the Urge to clean and do laundry and cook and be SUPER productive.  I can be a complete bum until 9 or 10 at night and then all of a sudden I'm up and working and getting stuff done.  It's really weird.

But I am a TERRIBLE middle-of-the-day person.  I mean I am absolutely worthless from like 2:30-4pm.  It's all I can do to keep my eyes open and with out exercising some extreme self discipline I won't get a single thing done.  So obviously it takes a lot of self discipline to get things done at work, which requires that I work during that terrible time of the day.  But it is not fun.  I firmly believe that those hours of the day should be set aside, publicly, for nap time.  Like everything should close.  The courthouses should close during those hours and then stay open till say 7.  I could make that work for sure.  That's actually my dream, to be able to schedule my work around a nap every day.

So my real favorite hour of the day is the one in which I'm napping, that just doesn't happen every day.  Actually it rarely happens at all.  It's kind of depressing because every Friday I get very very excited.  I think to myself "Yes!! Tomorrow morning I'm going to get up early and get a bunch of stuff done in the morning and then I'm going to take a nap!!"  Yeah, that NEVER happens.  I get up early, get really productive and then I just can't stop!! Next thing I know it's dinner time and I'm feeling productive to do house work.

Woe is me that I can't even fit in a nap on the weekends. :-(

Hope your attempts at napping are better than mine!

 - Scarlett

So About The Fridge...

Now that I'm all caught up, my challenge for today asks me to name 5 things in my fridge and how I feel about them.

This is not fun.

Item Number 1: Bottled Water and Propel.

I feel pretty good about these, I actually drink them with some regularity and they take up quite a bit of space in my fridge, which leaves me less room to cram other stuff in there that I will then forget about.

Item Number 2:  Mixed Nuts

I feel pretty good about these as well.  Every morning I put yogurt, berries and nuts in a cup and eat it on my way to work.  This is probably the healthiest I've been eating in YEARS.  And I love it.  It's very filling and it makes my body feel really good, which I'm personally a fan of. 

Item Number 3: Yogurt.  

Big surprise after item number 2.  I eat the Fage full fat yogurt.  Thanks mom!!  Stuff is great. Super filling and it "makes my tummy have a happy."  It is awesome.

Item Number 4: Blackberries

I usually use blueberries in my yogurt, but they were out at the store and so I switched to black berries and rasberries.  Thought a little more tart than I'm used to, I'm developing a liking to them!

Item Number 5: Deviled Eggs.

I definitely bought those at the store well over a month ago because I was shopping and hungry at the same time and that never goes well.  I thought I'd eat them with dinner that night, which I did.  I just never finished them and certainly never will now.  They are sitting under something else. Can't quite recall what at the moment, so I'm not sure what they look like but very very soon they will be thrown out and I'm sure I'll gag a little.  Despite my best efforts at trying to be a real grown up, I'm still doing some science projects in my fridge.   

 Sorry you had to read that Mom, but I'm just being honest here. 

 - Scarlett

Catching Up!! If I Could....

My challenge asks me today...well yesterday actually, if I could live in a movie for 5 days, which one would it be?

That is a SUPER tough decision and I feel like it leaves a lot of room for interpretation.

For example, I'd love to live in Snow White for 5 days, as long as it's part of the 5 days she's living happily with the dwarfs and not 5 days that include the hagetha witch killing her.  For one thing, I think I would look cute as a button animated.  And for another, I really want to sing and whistle with animals.

I think I might also like to live 5 days in the movie National Velvet, but it would need to be those 5 days that included the epic and fateful day she actually raced her own horse in the great Steeplechase and won.  I feel like that would be on a whole new level of awesome.

I'd also like to live for 5 days on the ranch in the Horse Whisperer.  I mean seriously, I shouldn't even have to explain why.  But I would not want to be there for the 5 days when the girl and her horse got turned into hamburger meat by a semi.

But if I had to just pick ONE movie above all others, then I have to say I would want to live for 5 days in Marry Poppins!!  I really can't think of a single part of that movie that I wouldn't want to be apart of.  I want to sing and dance on roof tops and I wouldn't mind sliding down a chimney once in my life.  And who wouldn't want to just jump into a sidewalk chalk drawing.  And medicine that always tastes good!!  And considering my upcoming move, how about being able to move all of your perfectly stylish and matching possessions right out of a single carpet bag.

Supacalifradulisticexpialidocious!!!!!

I would happily spend any 5 days in Mary Poppins.  No question about it.

Oh and getting to hang out with Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke at the same time....come on.

Where would you spend your 5 days??

 - Scarlett

Ok So I've Been A Little Busy...

Sorry for my absence.  This has been a whirlwind weekend and beginning of the week for me.

First let me catch you up on my weekend.  I sanded and sanded and sanded some more until my hands were vibrating all on their own this weekend.  I got the living room floors of my new house almost completely done.

And then I stepped back for a second and got a reality check on my situation.  I have to be out of my old house by December 1.  Thanksgiving is the weened before that and I'll be out of town.  Bar prep starts pretty much right after that.  So I have to get moved in and settle ASAP.

The current status of the house is, pretty much everything works, but new sheet rock was hung in the bedroom and I have to wait for them to finish mudding that, and then sand it and then put texture on it, and then for all of that to dry before I can even THINK about staining and sealing the floors.  And I just don't have time for that.

So we are altering the game plan just a bit here.

I am moving in this weekend.  My bedroom won't be done quite that fast, but I can put my bed in a back room for now until that is ready.  I went to big lots and got a couple big carpet rugs.  I threw those down on the living room floors after I cleaned them last night to protect them until I can get around to staining them.  Got the couch moved back in the living room where it belongs as well.  The dresser and book shelf that I was going to put in the bedroom can just hang out in the living room until I can move it into the bedroom.  It's not like I have living room furniture anyways.  I don't even own a TV.

So now I am packing like a mad person.  I am picking up a Uhaul truck on Friday night.  Just have to get the few heavy things I own loaded up in it and then boxes and I'm off!!  This is going to be a one trip kinda deal.  If it can't make it on the first trip and it's too big for me to move by myself, then I guess it's just not going!

At any rate.  Sorry for just disappearing on you.  But I have calves like a catcher now from all the floor work.  And I am very very very sore....

 - Scarlett.  

Learning Curve

What a week!!! I couldn't be happier that it is FRIDAY!!!

Anyways, this has been a really long week if for no other reason than I am just simply an idiot.  

BUT I have accomplished quite a bit.  As you might know, I did not pass my SUPER DUPER Exam.  Sucks but moving on.  Called the test prep people, got everything squared away so that I can retake the test prep course.  (If you don't pass, they let you take it again if you do all the required assignments.)  I did not do all of the required assignments, BUT I was in a major car wreck.  They asked for proof, so I sent the a copy of the police report as well as a few of the pictures of my car after the accident.  

That was a SUPER fun experience.  I actually walked away from it with nothing more than some wicked bruises and a bloody nose.  Please don't freak out, this was back in June.  But I guess the pictures were good enough to convince them to let me take the course again for free. 

So I got that figured out.  I also figured out how I can get sufficient internet out to my new house, which is out in the middle of NO where :-).  Very productive.  Oh and I also did a whole bunch of real work.  

So it's been a good ending to a long long long week.  

My challenge asks me what I have learned from daily blogging.  Well, it has taught me to just sit my ass down and focus on one thing at a time every day, no matter how scatter brained I am.  It has been an exercise in discipline.  It has taught me a lot about the blogging world, of which I was ignorant.  It has also taught me a lot about my mom who also blogs (crossroadfarm.blogspot.com).  Or maybe it has given me a better way to communicate with her. 

If you know my mom, you know that she can be really intimidating.  And that's saying a lot coming from me because there are really only two people that I am afraid of on this planet, and that's my mom and my dad.  And not so much that I'm afraid of them like they are going to beat me or anything, but afraid of completely and utterly disappointing them.  Which is difficult in my mind because I am kind of the smartest idiot I know.  So that makes it hard to talk to them in person or over the phone sometimes because I don't want to see the big FAIL that I fear will be present on their faces.  Because of this "feeling" I have, justified or not, I often filter what I say to them.  I try to filter out stuff I think they won't want to hear or stuff that I think might disappoint them, or things they might think are stupid about my day to day idiocy because I don't want them to be upset or worry or be frustrated with me, etc.  I just want them to know that regardless of how I'm doing it, which isn't always the most efficient way, I am actually making it in life and I'm not doing a horrible job.  That I am applying a lot of the lessons they have taught me (again not always efficiently) but applying them nonetheless.

As my mom and I discussed yesterday, I pretty much just have to learn things the hard way because I'm just like her.  I am a true Leo, a late bloomer and boy oh boy is there a learning curve here.  Some days I feel like wow, it's clicking...and then other days I'm just like...um where did those adult tendencies I was forming go?  How did I digress?  

Now to their credit, they are rarely as harsh on me as I fear they will be.  Sometimes when I feel like I've disappointed them the most, they laugh at me and tell me "shit happens."  This car wreck for example.  I was so depressed over this and exhausted and freaked out that after I got off the phone with the insurance company, I didn't have the heart to immediately call my folks.  I just took a hot shower, got some food and went to sleep.  And when I called them the next day they were pissed I hadn't called sooner.  But after it was established that I was ok, I actually spent more time than I ever had before talking to my mom and and my dad and they were both completely supportive and full of kindly worded wisdom.  

So if anything I like this whole blogging thing because it is teaching me, slowly but surely, because there is a learning curve here, that I can talk to my parents.  It's teaching me to have a more open dialogue with them because if I can get past that fear of being a disappointment, regardless if I am disappointing them or not, the discourse that arises from those situations really is bringing us closer.  And that is what I want. 

 - Scarlett

What's In A Name??

My little blogger challenge thingy today asks if I could change my first name, what would I change it to?

This got me thinking about my own name and frankly I have no complaints.  The only thing I've ever hated about my name is the way my mom said it when I was in trouble, which has happened a LOT.

I was pretty severely made fun of in elementary and junior high, but I'm pretty sure that was unavoidable.  I have a pretty normal name.  FYI my first name is not Scarlett.  My name isn't Jessica or Allison either, but it's still pretty common.  There is nothing remarkable about it.  I wan't made fun of because of my name, I was made fun of because I wore glasses.  I was made fun of because my teeth were jacked up.  I was made fun of because I loved horses with a passion that burned hotter than the sun haha.

But my name has not really had any impact on my life, not that I know of anyways.

I guess if I had to change it to something, I'd like to change it to something foreign and exotic.  Something fun and memorable.  My name is so generic that people often forget it and think it's some other generic name.  I get Ashley a lot.

I think it would be cool if my name were something like Francesca or Lilliana!  Something exciting and feminine.

Oh and my real name is also a unisex name.  I know more guys with my name than I know girls.  Maybe if I had a more feminine name I would be more graceful or soft.  Not quite so....aggressive.  To some of you readers that might not make sense.  If you don't know me, here's a snap shot.

I am very strong willed, very aggressive in achieving whatever it is that I decide I want, very NOT afraid or bothered by confrontation, very Type A personality.  I am very opinionated, though I have gotten better about keeping at least some of those to myself sometimes.  And I've always been more interested in what society would deem are more masculine sports.

For example, all through out my childhood I was always WAY more interested in playing tackle football with other kids in the apartment complex than I was playing dolls with my sister.  When I lived in the country I was always climbing trees and digging in the dirt.  Even to this day my extra circulars are not what society would label "feminine" activities.  I was, am, and will always be a GRADE A TOMBOY.

My sister has a very feminine name.  She played tennis.  She has long pretty blonde hair and big bright blue eyes.  She is quiet-er.  Softer spoken.  Generally considered very sweet unless you've pissed her off.

So I don't know what I would change it to if I had the choice, but perhaps something softer and sweeter.  Maybe it would help, maybe it wouldn't.

While I have lots of edges I'd like to sand down, I'm generally pretty pleased with how I turned out so I'm just fine with the name I have.

 - Scarlett

Darwin Award

Sometimes I wonder how I am still alive.  I mean seriously, it's a wonder I have made it this far.

If you've been following along, you might have read my post "Have You Ever Been Glad The Weekend Was Over?"  Now that was an utterly ridiculous series of events.  We all have those days, but I feel like maybe I have more of those days than most.

Really, I have a LOT of those days.

For example, this morning I actually get out of the house early.  I'm thinking Wow, I'm going to get to work early, which means I can leave early.  Which is always a bonus.

Nope.

Following my routine, I go fill up on gas and as I remove the pump from my tank and try to get back in my car, I realize that my car door is indeed locked and guess where the keys are.

Yes, in the cup holder.

This moment is made all the more special by the fact that when you click the lock button on my car, it will go ding ding twice and you have to press the button again to make it lock.  It's my car's very nice way of saying hey, don't forget your keys.

But I am an airhead so I have somehow managed to lock my keys in my car twice now.

Luckily for me my phone was in my back pocket and not also in the car.  Here comes the IPhone to the rescue.  I pulled up a $20 auto-unlock service, called them and they come within 15 minutes to unlock my car.

So ultimately I was on the road headed to work at about the normal time as usual but still out $19 and more than a little irritated with myself.  So I was quite delighted when I saw the prompt for my blogging challenge today, which was if I could change one thing about myself what would it be?  I would change the fact that I am a complete and total airhead in the hopes that ridiculousness like this would no longer be a part of my personal story.

TA-DA, The end, now I'm going to work where I hopefully will be able to pull my head out of my rear end.

 - Scarlett