Friday, November 8, 2013

Learning Curve

What a week!!! I couldn't be happier that it is FRIDAY!!!

Anyways, this has been a really long week if for no other reason than I am just simply an idiot.  

BUT I have accomplished quite a bit.  As you might know, I did not pass my SUPER DUPER Exam.  Sucks but moving on.  Called the test prep people, got everything squared away so that I can retake the test prep course.  (If you don't pass, they let you take it again if you do all the required assignments.)  I did not do all of the required assignments, BUT I was in a major car wreck.  They asked for proof, so I sent the a copy of the police report as well as a few of the pictures of my car after the accident.  

That was a SUPER fun experience.  I actually walked away from it with nothing more than some wicked bruises and a bloody nose.  Please don't freak out, this was back in June.  But I guess the pictures were good enough to convince them to let me take the course again for free. 

So I got that figured out.  I also figured out how I can get sufficient internet out to my new house, which is out in the middle of NO where :-).  Very productive.  Oh and I also did a whole bunch of real work.  

So it's been a good ending to a long long long week.  

My challenge asks me what I have learned from daily blogging.  Well, it has taught me to just sit my ass down and focus on one thing at a time every day, no matter how scatter brained I am.  It has been an exercise in discipline.  It has taught me a lot about the blogging world, of which I was ignorant.  It has also taught me a lot about my mom who also blogs (  Or maybe it has given me a better way to communicate with her. 

If you know my mom, you know that she can be really intimidating.  And that's saying a lot coming from me because there are really only two people that I am afraid of on this planet, and that's my mom and my dad.  And not so much that I'm afraid of them like they are going to beat me or anything, but afraid of completely and utterly disappointing them.  Which is difficult in my mind because I am kind of the smartest idiot I know.  So that makes it hard to talk to them in person or over the phone sometimes because I don't want to see the big FAIL that I fear will be present on their faces.  Because of this "feeling" I have, justified or not, I often filter what I say to them.  I try to filter out stuff I think they won't want to hear or stuff that I think might disappoint them, or things they might think are stupid about my day to day idiocy because I don't want them to be upset or worry or be frustrated with me, etc.  I just want them to know that regardless of how I'm doing it, which isn't always the most efficient way, I am actually making it in life and I'm not doing a horrible job.  That I am applying a lot of the lessons they have taught me (again not always efficiently) but applying them nonetheless.

As my mom and I discussed yesterday, I pretty much just have to learn things the hard way because I'm just like her.  I am a true Leo, a late bloomer and boy oh boy is there a learning curve here.  Some days I feel like wow, it's clicking...and then other days I'm just where did those adult tendencies I was forming go?  How did I digress?  

Now to their credit, they are rarely as harsh on me as I fear they will be.  Sometimes when I feel like I've disappointed them the most, they laugh at me and tell me "shit happens."  This car wreck for example.  I was so depressed over this and exhausted and freaked out that after I got off the phone with the insurance company, I didn't have the heart to immediately call my folks.  I just took a hot shower, got some food and went to sleep.  And when I called them the next day they were pissed I hadn't called sooner.  But after it was established that I was ok, I actually spent more time than I ever had before talking to my mom and and my dad and they were both completely supportive and full of kindly worded wisdom.  

So if anything I like this whole blogging thing because it is teaching me, slowly but surely, because there is a learning curve here, that I can talk to my parents.  It's teaching me to have a more open dialogue with them because if I can get past that fear of being a disappointment, regardless if I am disappointing them or not, the discourse that arises from those situations really is bringing us closer.  And that is what I want. 

 - Scarlett

1 comment:

  1. I have already read this once, but waited to comment. I just re-read it, and the funny thing don't disappoint. You do frustrate, but not for the reasons you think. You see Grasshopper, I know you. I know you like nobody's business, and all of those times that you FILTER, as you say, those are the frustrating times. I always know when there is more than you are saying. I always know when you are up to something I'm not on board with. The frustrating part to me is that you are an adult. If you 100% believe that what you are doing is right, then own it. To me or to anyone else. If you have to hide it, or FILTER it, well - I think you see the division it creates. Those are all your choices. I can't make them for you. I have been trying to understand why you find it necessary to distance yourself so much. You need to think about this some more. Like when you have your adult hat on.